I don't know your situation so it's hard to give advice. For example, if you were a controlling wife and he is fed up with having to notify you of every dollar he spends, then I could understand.
Or, there are men who cheat and suspiciously money goes to something such as the other woman, and he gets defensive knowing you're on to something. I'm not suggesting either of these is the case, I'm just saying there is a wide spectrum without further details of your marriage.
**sorry, It didn't have any details loaded when I first read your question. If things are rocky, he could be spending it on something he doesn't want you knowing about or he wouldn't be so defensive... He would simply tell you.
Something is going on, for sure. Whether he is investing the money, spending it somewhere he is ashamed to admit, or has a gambling problem is hard to say. What you CAN do is talk WITH him to agree that he does have some responsibility to his wife and his child who are dependent on his income, and that he will limit his discretionary spending so it does not put them at risk or in need. Maybe together you need to set up a household budget for living expenses and joint activities, and then he and you can both see how much is left over that he can reasonably plan to spend without being questioned.
So stop contributing so much to the joint account. He can't take your money when it isn't in there.
I suggest you both read Dr Phil McGraw's excellent book, Relationship Rescue. (I wish I got commission, as I recommend it to so many people!). As he writes in the book, it’s not only for people whose relationships are in trouble.
You need to provide more information. Is there a valid reason your husband has been pushed into this behavior?
